(Midlife)Crisis Averted. It’s Not What You Think.
This year was a milestone birthday for me. And the thing about milestones is, at least for me, they make you stop and reassess where you’ve been and how you made it to where you are now. My life can be summed up in one sentence: Well, that didn’t go as planned. Funny, but true. As I started reflecting on my journey so far, I started thinking, what was my plan? Turns out, I didn’t have much of one. Oh, I had a vague sense of direction: go to college, get married, get a great job, have kids, etc., etc., etc. But by 30 years old, I was widowed, divorced, had 2 kids under the age of 5, and a job I absolutely hated.
My 30s & early 40s went by quickly. I stayed in that miserable job because it paid the bills, raised my girls as best I could, made a couple more relationship mistakes along the way, and kept trying to figure out my life’s grand plan. It was work, kids, home. Wash, rinse, repeat. I always thought when the kids graduate high school, then I’ll get a life. Well, they graduated high school and went on to college, which led me to start saying when they graduate college, then I’ll get a life.
Then one day I looked up and realized that I wasn’t happy where I was. I was bored, stagnant, and drowning in mediocrity. I needed to have a purpose. I needed to feel fulfilled. I needed to find my passion. And it certainly wasn’t going to happen by sitting behind my desk at work or on my couch at home.
In the rat race of being Mom, Head of Household, Sister, Daughter — I lost who I was. I had forgotten was it was like to just be me. Maybe that’s why people call it a Midlife Crisis. It can feel like a crisis of identity or direction in life. And while I may have felt lost or in search of something, it really didn’t seem like something I would necessarily call a “crisis”. I like to describe it as more of an awakening. Here’s why:
· I let go of the past. Let’s face it, unless you have a time machine you can’t go back and change the past. And even if you did, science fiction has taught us that no good ever comes from messing with the space time continuum. Living in the past or carrying around the burdens of your mistakes does nothing to propel you forward. Let that shit go and you’ll be amazed at how lighter your soul feels and how much easier it is to move on with your life.
· I understand that the little things really are big things. You don’t need to make huge swooping changes or gestures for it to be meaningful. Take a break and walk outside for a few minutes. Text that friend you haven’t talked to in awhile and just check in. Tip the server/barista a little extra. Sit in a lawn chair in the middle of your yard, have a drink, and enjoy some good company. The possibilities are endless here.
· I say what I mean and what I feel. Life is too short to hold grudges, worry endlessly about things you can’t control, or hold back what you’re really thinking. That doesn’t mean you have license to be an asshole. Being your authentic self means your values line up with your thoughts, words, and actions. Tell your significant other that you’re proud of them or that their smile just melts you. Explain to your boss you don’t agree with the latest changes and why. Thank your parents for all those years of putting up with your craziness and bullshit. Compliment a stranger on their shoes or the book they’re reading. You get the idea.
· I decided to stop being a passenger in my own life. Like I stated earlier, I used to think once I reached X date, my life would magically change and I would live happily ever after. You know what happens when you do nothing but wait for something extraordinary to come along? Absolutely nothing. There’s no genie or fairy godmother waiting to bestow you with the life you’ve been longing for. Take the wheel and take charge of your own life. Decided what to be and go be it.
· I believe it’s never too late. For anything. Want to learn a new skill? Do it. Want to write a book? Go for it. Want to repair a bad relationship? You’ve got this! The only time it’s too late is when you are gone. Take advantage of opportunities and your time here to do the things that matter most. Life is too short to not be happy.
So yes, while I’m technically at midlife and yes, I’ve been re-evaluating my life’s path so far, I still wouldn’t say it was a crisis. It’s more of a journey to rediscover who I am, what I’m passionate about, and how much fun there is to be had while I’m still here. The first half of my life may not have started the way I planned, but I can’t wait to see where it goes from here. The possibilities are endless.
No crisis here, folks. Keep on moving.
